For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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