1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
