He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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