its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
