My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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