I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
