Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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