drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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