I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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