oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
