you would pick up someone in the library
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
