By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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