something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Randomize
