i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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