he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
