I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
