Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Randomize
