Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
