You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
a search helicopter?!
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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