A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
