i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I need to stop coming to work sober
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
