i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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