nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
