Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
