Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
