yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
