For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
