I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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