Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
