im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I checked into jail on foursquare
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
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he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
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