I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
