I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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