i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
