I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
