As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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