Pants 0. Shit 1.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
