Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Randomize
