the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
love makes seman taste better
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Randomize
