that's what penises do
they tell lies.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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