i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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