I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
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