Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
