Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
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