I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
