u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
