I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
