it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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