why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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