Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
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I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
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I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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