Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
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will barter weed for kareoke machine...
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
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I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
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