What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
