No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
