he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
