I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
