im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
