Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
honey bunches of taint.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
