WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
