is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Randomize
