Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
