My underwear smells like fireworks.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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