why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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