I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
