I murdered the dance floor call the cops
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
