All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
