yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Randomize
