I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
