remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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