I could make wine with my vomit
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
