So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
