Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
