the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
even my farts smell like vagina
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
