The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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