Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
