I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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