My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
