3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
