wat bout pragnant strippers??
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
