: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
