I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I'm bleeding and have questions
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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