strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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