I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
