Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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