Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
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